Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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