Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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