M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
