Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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