I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
