She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
