We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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