just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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