it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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