why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
