Im at strip club and am horny
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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