Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
