he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
