I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
