Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
