just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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