We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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