Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
