I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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