remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
