Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize