She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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