listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
