I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
