Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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