Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
