I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
