It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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