She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
