I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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