I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
