every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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