is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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