apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
