u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
