Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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