I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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