he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
