Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
