last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
