my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
