U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
