I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
