Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
