your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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