You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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