Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
