Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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