I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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