You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
