you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
