he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
