Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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