dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
