If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
