I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
