Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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