I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
