So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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