I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
