Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
