i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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