Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
