He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
