her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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