the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize