butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
