this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
