You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
