my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
