Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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