i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
