i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
