I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
