After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
