loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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