Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
