She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
