btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
