We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want her autograph on my taint
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
