I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
