If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hippo gnu deer
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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