His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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