She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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