yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
