we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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