ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
