Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
