Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
