The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
